Where did my stamina go?

Let me begin by stating a cold hard fact.

I lost my stamina.

It used to be I could go a full 5k, easy breezy. Instead of re-living the past and focusing on what I used to be able to do, I need to have a very clear picture of where I am now and what it will take to be where I want to be.

I thought that last night I could run without my c25k running app. Oh- ho-ho no no no! I will not be doing that again. There was no structure, and nothing to focus on except for how of breath I was, and how super jiggle-y my fat was. Having the app gives me a goal, and you feel accomplished after each section of running you do, or at least I do.

Tonight, I will be doing Week 4, Day 1. Which will put me at intervals of running for 5 minutes and walking for 2 1/2 minutes and that sounds like it will push me just enough. I need to ease back into things for the sake of my knee.
I have been feeling completely drained lately. Lethargic, strange appetite, emotional and I had no idea why. I stumbled upon this article today about how there is going to be a full-moon on friday. Makes sense! I’m preparing to turn into a werewolf. just kidding… but it does explain the strange energies and emotions I am dealing with currently. I realize I might be the only crazy person that feels this way, and I am okay with that.

I also recently became attuned to practice LaHoChi, which is an energy healing modality. I think being exposed to and opening up to new energies might also have a lot to do with why I feel so off lately. After some researching I did online, It turns out this is a common occurrence when someone undergoes the ascension process, Of which I thought you could only go through once… ( I went through this last january/february). NOPE, it’s a process. And silly me, thinking I was done with it, nope… still expanding and growing in my conciousness.Thank God for that though, right? When we stop learning … we might as well be dead 😛

Hope you are all having a good week so far!

xoxox

Shana

the wtf diet

I need help.

I have strayed from keto for far too long, but not long enough to change my thought process about how to eat. I love keto, I love the recipes and the food, I also love that it brought me down to a weight I can be happy with. Since I have started going to the gym on a daily basis and lifting weights, I have felt the need to reintroduce some grains into my life. But, this hasn’t really benefited me in a way that I can physically perceive, in fact, I think it’s hindered my weight loss. My belly has also expanded ( shhhhh, this has nothing to do with the bag of Cheetos I ate yesterday), and I am finding myself getting frustrated once again with  my diet.

You see, I am following this “Jamie Eason LiveFit Trainer” program and with it comes a dietary guide to get the maximum benefit of all the hard work you put in at the gym, only problem is… grains, and starches are a part of the guide and fat is pretty much a no-no on the plan… How does this translate to my life? Well, It hasn’t. I still eat the high fat foods, but have incorporated oats and some low carb tortillas. The two foods cannot exist happily on a diet, I think.  So, for a while I was thinking ” what if I just stick with calories in vs. calories out”? That doesn’t seem to work very well either… I have gained back 5 lbs and hovering in the low 150s now for about 2 months. SO annoying!

Do I go back hardcore on keto again and just deal with the rashes and hope that my body is getting what it needs from the heavy lifting at the gym? or do I abandon keto altogether? This limbo thing certainly isn’t working for me. I don’t know what to do.

 

 

Hello, Confidence. It’s been a while!

I am happy to finally report back to you all and say, that my absence from writing hasn’t been because of going into hiding from falling off the wagon or from not working my tail off. Believe me,  I have BEEN WORKING MY TAIL OFF!  And I am happy to report back to you with great news.

I am finally a size medium. for real!

Here I am, in the dressing room, trying on Medium sized shorts and top.  I was so happy and amazed that I immediately started to cry the happiest of tears and then took a picture! This is a pretty huge milestone for me. And I think back to when I started, and I am really impressed with myself for sticking out this long.  Now, I need to follow this up with the obligatory… I still have work ahead of me.

Am I happy with how I look? HELL YES! For the first time in years, I can say that with full confidence. The main goal I had when I started this journey was to get my confidence back!  Here it is.

And here is a picture of the transformation thus far…

 

I have the Keto diet, my supportive friends here, and the C25k app to thank for the progress, AND my determination to not give up. There were many moments of weakness along the way, and lots of stalls but that’s okay… that’s called life.

I have transitioned some in my diet from keto to paleo, I guess??. Still keeping it high fat and low carb, I allowed oats into my life and my current carb intake is less than 100g a day and keeping my calorie count in check.

I have started a new workout routine.  I am on week 3 of it, actually.  I have started lifting weights at the gym! This means I am no longer stepping on the scale, and I am keeping progress documented by measurements, how I feel, and by pictures. The scale was driving me crazy. It became a game of numbers instead of being healthy, making right choices and determining how I was feeling on a daily basis. The scale served its purpose in the beginning of my journey, and it kept me going on the right track.

I have lots of time on my hands now that school fell through. I have until December to really step up my game in the gym and working out.  It has helped me so much with how I feel on a chemical level, feeling great 🙂

I hope you are all doing well!

xoxox

-Shana

 

 

My 18th Week of Keto. and the 5 mile run.

Last Friday, I weighed in at 151 pounds. To celebrate this new number, I went shopping for clothes and was able to fit into and purchase a size 10!

I haven’t been a size 10 in 14 years!

To celebrate this new and exciting number I decided to spoil myself at the Cheesecake Factory.

This was the first time I have been there in 18 weeks. It was a well-deserved cheat day. BUT, this well-deserved cheat day cost me 5 pounds!

Ever since Saturday I have been working my ass off to get back down to 151.  Sunday I completely finished my C25K app! I am now on to these things called “free runs”.  which really sound awesome, don’t they? Like I can spread my wings and leave the cage, to run amuck in fields of poppies and dandelions with the wind blowing through my hair and me singing … ” the hills are alive, with the sound of muuuuuuusiiic”. Except, it’s not like that at all. It’s still hot outside, I still run on concrete/pavement and turn a bright shade of red and have sweat pouring down my face. Nothing at all like the app leads me to believe these “free runs” are made of.

Today marked my longest run yet… FIVE miles! I think I am in denial about liking running. Whenever someone tells me to enjoy my run, I scoff at them.

” Psshhh, yeah right, like I could EVER like running… Give me a break”.

And yet, I find myself going out for jogs almost everyday…  It’s either I am a masochist, or I like running, or both, but I am definitely in denial about both of those things. Hopefully I will be able to embrace these things about myself one day soon.

Pretty soon, I will be at the 150 mark. When I hit that, I will have ten more pounds to go before my next goal of 140! (this time with no trips to the cheesecake factory).

I have a FitBit now, this will most definitely help with my goals, I am sure of it.

I wont let another 2 weeks go by without updating my blog, it helps keep me accountable and to be honest, it feels like I am confiding in a friend, because outside of this, there aren’t many people who really give a damn. Even if you all don’t, which I am sure is a high likelihood. IT FEELS like you do, be it true or not, it still feels that way, and it warms my heart and keeps me going 🙂

 

 

 

Back to Keto – Changing the plans again! Week 16

I just completed Week 9, Day  1 of the C25k.!  Only two more days of the app to go until I run 3 miles! =D I can’t believe I made it here. Looking back, I was huffing and puffing and cursing my lungs, and my excess fat. I just ran for 30 minutes without stopping!  I am proud of myself tonight.

Last post, I said I was jumping off of the keto-wagon, but as it turns out, my hives are still present even with more carbs in my diet. So, I have made the decision that I am going back to keto, but I am going to eat many more veggies, and cut down on the dairy. We’ll see how it goes. The fact is, I need to get back to keto, I need the familiarity of it. When I tried to eat noodles, I felt like I was teetering on the edge of a cliff, about to fall head first into a carb binge. Its easier to do than I thought, and thinking of gaining a bunch of weight back because of something stupid like that terrifies me!

In other great news, I might be starting school in August! Friday, the admissions department called me and told me I passed my exams with flying colors, and have enough points to secure an interview with the director of the program. I am so anxious. In order to ease my nerves about it all, I thought some retail therapy would do me some good. So, today, I went to Old Navy and bought a cute dress for the interview, I fit into a Medium size!!! Best believe I bought it, and I am going to ROCK that size medium dress 🙂 My next hurdle is the interview.

In the meantime, I am going to keep on keto’ing on, continue running and going to the gym.  my future is starting to take shape! I am feeling proud and hopeful. NEVER GIVING UP!!

 

– Shana

Dusting off – Week 14, Day 2

 

 

I am making a promise to myself that no matter how hard things get, that I will still keep up the fight to achieve my goals. I am also promising that when I fall down, I wont stay down. I will be getting back up and dusting myself off.

Last post I caught myself negative talking, and my life has NO ROOM for that kind of negativity anymore! I systematically cut negativity from my life, like surgery.

 

The reasons why I was negative thinking yesterday is because I am fearful of whats unknown. I am going to use this opportunity to tackle my fear head on.  I will study up on math, I have a great memory (thanks keto) and I will be my bravest. In fact, from now on, when I see an opportunity to  be social, I am going to be. The time to change is now.

In other news, I went to the gym this afternoon! I am so happy! I thought that my butt would be handed to me, and that my stamina would have suffered from the month off and that wasn’t the case. I am learning what my body and mind need, and I need the gym for both of them.

I have a bit of keto knowledge for those that read and follow the diet …. Atkins bars need to be a very seldom treat, NOT once a day. At least for me, I have found that getting back into keto and eating them daily just wasnt really happening for me.  Must be the sugar alcohols? I don’t know.

I am dusting myself off, getting back in the saddle and getting my focus back. No more days off of the gym, and my diet is getting back into its comfortable place of staying on track. With my diet and exercise getting in sync with how they were it gives me some solace that I can tackle other things. Feeling less overwhelmed and more focused, getting my groove back!!  Feels good and its about time!

 

Goodnight friends! I will be back tomorrow 🙂

“Sometimes adversity is what you need to face in order to become successful” -Zig Ziglar

xoxo – Shana

So, this is a rough patch…

Well, it’s arrived, I knew it was only a matter of time before the road became very challenging. It’s not just my diet, that seems to be the easier part of life ( except for you damn delicious Atkin’s chocolate snack bars, I curse the day I ever sank my teeth into that amazing gooey “good for my diet” perfection ). What’s getting the best of me right now is “real life” or the adult world that I have so expertly avoided for the past 11 years. Well, I am a mother of 3 children, it’s not like I was just sitting on my ass… Even though, mentally, it feels like I have been.
I made the decision not long ago that I would be going back to school so that I could finally get a career! Ya know, to support myself and be a contributing member of society. Well, I went into the school I am going to be applying for today (yesterday, as it’s midnight now) and I first noticed that I would be one of the “older” students that would be attending. Where has my life gone?!

I met with the advisor, and she then started giving me an interview, for which I was not ready! I stumbled my way thru the questions, like a fool. Apparently, I have been living a hermits life under a rock for the past 11 years because me and talking to strangers just DOES NOT come all that natural or easy. In fact, just thinking of having to do it again has my hands getting clammy.

After the god-awful interview, she gave me a basic English comprehension test. She had assured me that not many people pass it the first time around and that I will get a second try at it if I didn’t get the passing score of 20. I scored a 26, and while I appreciated her enthusiasm that I had passed it, I wondered if it was because she thought I was seriously dumb from the interview. I have been instructed to get my transcripts for a follow up appointment and math exam on this upcoming Friday …

I looked at my transcripts from High school and college, and because I was such a glorious fuck up with my life back then I can only imagine what this lady is going to think of me, probably something like this…

I will be absolutely shocked if I get into the program, and incredibly grateful, but mostly shocked.

I think not having been to the gym or out to run in a month is starting to adversely effect my mental well-being. I haven’t felt this down on myself for a while.

I’m not quitting though! Maybe tomorrow morning I will force myself to get to the gym.

HOME

Finally, after 3 long weeks, I am back home and back to my life.

It was great seeing family, but I am so happy to be back.

Sadly, I wasn’t as strict with my working out as I had hoped, but to be honest, I kinda knew it wasn’t going to happen. Jogging in unknown areas seems dangerous to me plus I was supposed to be on vacation!!! So, there was no working out, but I did think about it everyday!

My diet was doing great until I got to Wyoming. It would have been fine, but it turned out my trip to Wyoming was one where I was doing physical labor for 8+ hours during the day, I was famished and exhausted that entire time, so, I ended up kicking myself out of Keto.  *sigh*  I know, I know, I was 12 weeks into my diet, doing well, and sticking to the plan!  I am not that upset by it, I mean, it is a slight bummer, BUT…..

I weighed myself when I got home and I didn’t gain a single pound in three weeks, I stayed the same weight. I call that a success, I was almost certain that I was going to come home 10 pounds heavier, but that was not the case at all.  I guess tearing up a basement, pulling out old nasty carpet and de-cluttering 30 years worth of junk in the span of 5 days helped keep the weight gain away.

When I got home, I met up with my friends and I ended up really making sure I was kicked out of Keto by eating 3 pieces of chocolate cake and having pina coladas all night. NO REGRETS!

It’s all back to plan now, I am working on getting back into Keto, and I am vowing to get to the gym tomorrow morning! Moving on towards my fitness goals!  (It will be interesting to see how much 3 weeks of not working out will tire me out tomorrow) haha!

Happy to be home, to be writing again, and sharing my daily struggles, and triumphs. =D

Hope you all have been well

xoxo

-Shana

Feeling great! Week 11, Day 4

 

I am feeling GREAT today.

Yesterday, I finished week 7 of my c25k app. 25 mins of running! 6 weeks ago, I would have called myself crazy and thought that I could never get to where I am now. But, I am here! It hasn’t been the easiest of roads, my main obstacle has been my mind. The nagging inner voice of ” Oh this is getting hard, you should quit” and having to push through it instead of saying ” I can’t do this”, and changing it to ” I can totally do this, look how far I’ve come”. It feels really good. I know that I am still in the middle of my journey, I know it’s not celebration time yet, but seeing all my progress really gets me amped up to keep going.

Today, I made it to the gym. I spent 45 mins on the elliptical and broke the biggest sweat I have had in a long time and kept pushing myself. It feels so satisfying and lifts my mood to cheery and smiley. I love this version of myself. Such an upgrade from the chubby, grumpy girl of nearly 3 months ago.

I am a little concerned about the vacation I am going to be taking in a week.  I will be around my parents who are “feeders” for an entire week, and there will be lots of long car rides which means cheap nasty food will be around me all the time.  Which means temptations will be greater than usual.  After that, it’s a vacation to Wyoming, and staying there for a week. Lord knows I am going to have everything forbidden thrown in my face over there. Its time to make a list of things I need to buy at the grocery store when I get there.  I guess the reason why I am sharing this is because I need to validate and mentally prepare for it.  Two whole weeks of vacation!  How am I going to work out?! Will I be able to maintain Keto?! I think the 11 weeks of keto I have done are a good solid base for me to stand on. I have MFP and my self-discipline, that should keep me straight, right?!  I would like it if I came back from vacation having lost some weight rather than having gained weight. Let’s see if I can do it!

In the meantime, I will Keep Calm and Keto On, continue to kick ass at the gym, pool and pavement.

Funny little side note : A friend admitted to me that she didn’t think I could keep up my diet and exercise for long, thought I would have quit weeks ago…. and I am still going! HA!

Week 11, Day 2

Went for my week 7 day 1 run tonight. 25 mins of running! I did it! I am pretty happy about it. I thought I would have had my ass kicked and that I would be swearing and regretting ever starting running but that isn’t the case. My feet are a little sore tonight. It might be time for me to start saving up my dimes and pennies for a new pair of running shoes.

I got my blood work back from the Dr. and I am happy to report that all of my levels are looking good! Except for my thyroid, the numbers were a bit high, which puts me into the hypothyroidism range.  A few weeks back I went in there complaining about how my weight loss has stalled. The doctor told me to up my calories, and guess what happened, I went in on Monday and they weighed me… up 1.5 pounds.  The doctor told me it was most likely due to my thyroid. Now, I am taking thyroid medication. Not at all too happy about it, BUT if it helps me shed these unwanted pounds then I certainly will not complain!

I am going to try a new goal for the month of July. NO DRINKING ALCOHOL! IT will be  Dry-July challenge. I could certainly use a buddy for this. I welcome you all to join me 🙂 it can be a joint endeavor. If not, well, I am sure I will be on here complaining often.  My social life kinda revolves around drinking, so my friends are gonna have to deal with a Sober Shana. Sorry guys.  I have a feeling that drinking is seriously impeding my weight loss. Instead of burning up fat, my body is burning up alcohol and before it gets around to burning fat again, I go ahead and give it more alcohol to burn. That cycle must end.  Plus, it’s just not healthy.

This whole next week is going to be an interesting one. I am down to my last 30 bucks. I have a full 5 meals planned for dinners, the rest is gonna have to be either leftovers, or something creative.  Needless to say, I didn’t meal plan very well for these past 2 weeks. I was slightly lazy and enjoyed the pool nearly every afternoon, focused on getting to the gym, and catching up on reading. It’s going to be tight, but I feel up for the challenge 🙂

See you soon,

– Shana ❤