Hello, Confidence. It’s been a while!

I am happy to finally report back to you all and say, that my absence from writing hasn’t been because of going into hiding from falling off the wagon or from not working my tail off. Believe me,  I have BEEN WORKING MY TAIL OFF!  And I am happy to report back to you with great news.

I am finally a size medium. for real!photo (2)

Here I am, in the dressing room, trying on Medium sized shorts and top.  I was so happy and amazed that I immediately started to cry the happiest of tears and then took a picture! This is a pretty huge milestone for me. And I think back to when I started, and I am really impressed with myself for sticking out this long.  Now, I need to follow this up with the obligatory… I still have work ahead of me.

Am I happy with how I look? HELL YES! For the first time in years, I can say that with full confidence. The main goal I had when I started this journey was to get my confidence back!  Here it is.

And here is a picture of the transformation thus far…

 

photo (1)

I have the Keto diet, my supportive friends here, and the C25k app to thank for the progress, AND my determination to not give up. There were many moments of weakness along the way, and lots of stalls but that’s okay… that’s called life.

I have transitioned some in my diet from keto to paleo, I guess??. Still keeping it high fat and low carb, I allowed oats into my life and my current carb intake is less than 100g a day and keeping my calorie count in check.

I have started a new workout routine.  I am on week 3 of it, actually.  I have started lifting weights at the gym! This means I am no longer stepping on the scale, and I am keeping progress documented by measurements, how I feel, and by pictures. The scale was driving me crazy. It became a game of numbers instead of being healthy, making right choices and determining how I was feeling on a daily basis. The scale served its purpose in the beginning of my journey, and it kept me going on the right track.

I have lots of time on my hands now that school fell through. I have until December to really step up my game in the gym and working out.  It has helped me so much with how I feel on a chemical level, feeling great 🙂

I hope you are all doing well!

xoxox

-Shana

 

 

So, this is a rough patch…

Well, it’s arrived, I knew it was only a matter of time before the road became very challenging. It’s not just my diet, that seems to be the easier part of life ( except for you damn delicious Atkin’s chocolate snack bars, I curse the day I ever sank my teeth into that amazing gooey “good for my diet” perfection ). What’s getting the best of me right now is “real life” or the adult world that I have so expertly avoided for the past 11 years. Well, I am a mother of 3 children, it’s not like I was just sitting on my ass… Even though, mentally, it feels like I have been.
I made the decision not long ago that I would be going back to school so that I could finally get a career! Ya know, to support myself and be a contributing member of society. Well, I went into the school I am going to be applying for today (yesterday, as it’s midnight now) and I first noticed that I would be one of the “older” students that would be attending. Where has my life gone?!

I met with the advisor, and she then started giving me an interview, for which I was not ready! I stumbled my way thru the questions, like a fool. Apparently, I have been living a hermits life under a rock for the past 11 years because me and talking to strangers just DOES NOT come all that natural or easy. In fact, just thinking of having to do it again has my hands getting clammy.

After the god-awful interview, she gave me a basic English comprehension test. She had assured me that not many people pass it the first time around and that I will get a second try at it if I didn’t get the passing score of 20. I scored a 26, and while I appreciated her enthusiasm that I had passed it, I wondered if it was because she thought I was seriously dumb from the interview. I have been instructed to get my transcripts for a follow up appointment and math exam on this upcoming Friday …

I looked at my transcripts from High school and college, and because I was such a glorious fuck up with my life back then I can only imagine what this lady is going to think of me, probably something like this…

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I will be absolutely shocked if I get into the program, and incredibly grateful, but mostly shocked.

I think not having been to the gym or out to run in a month is starting to adversely effect my mental well-being. I haven’t felt this down on myself for a while.

I’m not quitting though! Maybe tomorrow morning I will force myself to get to the gym.

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Week 2, Day 1 – time to get moving!

sausage, egg and cheese casserole! freakin' yum!

sausage, egg and cheese casserole! freakin’ yum!

Over the weekend, I made this delicious egg, sausage and cheese casserole. warm fluffy and delightful! I found a recipe on taste of home website and switched it up a bit to be keto friendly, and the results are freakin’ yummy.  Yesterday was just an all around beautiful day, the weather was heavenly, and my mood … I haven’t been in that great of a mood in such a long time! I wasn’t hungry at all, I even skipped lunch, and had a string cheese. Everything felt great. *sigh* I wish I could have more of those days, even the radio was playing great music with no commercials. Everything was beautiful!

Back to reality on the Monday morning though, my day started off with a temper tantrum from one of the kids I watch during the day. Not awesome, but I didn’t let it ruin my yummy breakfast, or my bulletproof coffee. I am determined to find that bit of happiness and calm that I had yesterday despite being surrounded by whiney children. Even if its just a small sliver, I will call it a success.

OH!!!!! How on earth could I almost forget to share my weigh in results this morning?!?! *drum roll*

176 !!!!!!!!!

I am so fucking happy about that!  That brings my weeks weigh loss to 8 pounds!  That just sends me soaring into this week with that much more motivation! Go, Shana, Go!!

Oh yeah, today I start my c25k app. I haven’t decided if I go to the gym, or actually run on the sidewalk… we will see how I feel later, but no matter what. I am going! I am concluding this post with a smile on my face. I am feeling good!

Update 7:07pm: I went on my run, and had my ass kicked. I am going to keep with it, though! Oh yes I am