Be like water.

As I sit here, staring at this blank page I am flooded with thoughts and emotions. It’s almost like standing at the precipice all over again, I remember the feeling in my stomach when I started this blog over a year ago, and it’s the same feeling.  The feeling that :

1) I am starting something BIG and its going to change the course of my life.

2) I am going to start running again… (despite my knee troubles)

3) A new and improved Shana is on the horizon!

Since I have written last, there have been major changes. My grandfather died. I became vegetarian. I started meditating and praying more, A LOT more. Injured my knee (torn medial meniscus). Got Straight A’s my first semester back at college ( WOOHOOOO!!!). Invited to join Honors Society.  Lost 20 lbs. Gained 20 lbs. Lost a couple of friends and made some new friends. Remodeled my house. and that’s just the major things…

Needless to say, I have been a busy, busy girl. I think the most profound change has been my spiritual life. I see things differently now, and my approach to life and the people I encounter on a daily basis is much different, and in a good way, a beautiful way.

I am creating more! I started a line of body butters and aromatherapy sprays, I plan on documenting that process more. In addition to getting back on track with running.

I also have no idea what I am doing with being a vegetarian. I have been eating the same 5 meals in rotation, so my blog will probably be my sounding board for recipes that I try as well.

See? Big Changes. I am reminded as I wrote this that I must be like water.. If I pour myself into a cup, I muse become the cup. If I pour myself into being a new business owner, I must BE the business owner. If I pour myself into vegetarianism I must BE vegetarianism. HA! BE whatever it is you are doing, it’s the only way to remain present and experience fully all that moment has to offer.

Cheers to new beginnings!

XOXOX

-Shana

Hello, Confidence. It’s been a while!

I am happy to finally report back to you all and say, that my absence from writing hasn’t been because of going into hiding from falling off the wagon or from not working my tail off. Believe me,  I have BEEN WORKING MY TAIL OFF!  And I am happy to report back to you with great news.

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Here I am, in the dressing room, trying on Medium sized shorts and top.  I was so happy and amazed that I immediately started to cry the happiest of tears and then took a picture! This is a pretty huge milestone for me. And I think back to when I started, and I am really impressed with myself for sticking out this long.  Now, I need to follow this up with the obligatory… I still have work ahead of me.

Am I happy with how I look? HELL YES! For the first time in years, I can say that with full confidence. The main goal I had when I started this journey was to get my confidence back!  Here it is.

And here is a picture of the transformation thus far…

 

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I have the Keto diet, my supportive friends here, and the C25k app to thank for the progress, AND my determination to not give up. There were many moments of weakness along the way, and lots of stalls but that’s okay… that’s called life.

I have transitioned some in my diet from keto to paleo, I guess??. Still keeping it high fat and low carb, I allowed oats into my life and my current carb intake is less than 100g a day and keeping my calorie count in check.

I have started a new workout routine.  I am on week 3 of it, actually.  I have started lifting weights at the gym! This means I am no longer stepping on the scale, and I am keeping progress documented by measurements, how I feel, and by pictures. The scale was driving me crazy. It became a game of numbers instead of being healthy, making right choices and determining how I was feeling on a daily basis. The scale served its purpose in the beginning of my journey, and it kept me going on the right track.

I have lots of time on my hands now that school fell through. I have until December to really step up my game in the gym and working out.  It has helped me so much with how I feel on a chemical level, feeling great 🙂

I hope you are all doing well!

xoxox

-Shana

 

 

My 18th Week of Keto. and the 5 mile run.

Last Friday, I weighed in at 151 pounds. To celebrate this new number, I went shopping for clothes and was able to fit into and purchase a size 10!

I haven’t been a size 10 in 14 years!

To celebrate this new and exciting number I decided to spoil myself at the Cheesecake Factory.

This was the first time I have been there in 18 weeks. It was a well-deserved cheat day. BUT, this well-deserved cheat day cost me 5 pounds!

Ever since Saturday I have been working my ass off to get back down to 151.  Sunday I completely finished my C25K app! I am now on to these things called “free runs”.  which really sound awesome, don’t they? Like I can spread my wings and leave the cage, to run amuck in fields of poppies and dandelions with the wind blowing through my hair and me singing … ” the hills are alive, with the sound of muuuuuuusiiic”. Except, it’s not like that at all. It’s still hot outside, I still run on concrete/pavement and turn a bright shade of red and have sweat pouring down my face. Nothing at all like the app leads me to believe these “free runs” are made of.

Today marked my longest run yet… FIVE miles! I think I am in denial about liking running. Whenever someone tells me to enjoy my run, I scoff at them.

” Psshhh, yeah right, like I could EVER like running… Give me a break”.

And yet, I find myself going out for jogs almost everyday…  It’s either I am a masochist, or I like running, or both, but I am definitely in denial about both of those things. Hopefully I will be able to embrace these things about myself one day soon.

Pretty soon, I will be at the 150 mark. When I hit that, I will have ten more pounds to go before my next goal of 140! (this time with no trips to the cheesecake factory).

I have a FitBit now, this will most definitely help with my goals, I am sure of it.

I wont let another 2 weeks go by without updating my blog, it helps keep me accountable and to be honest, it feels like I am confiding in a friend, because outside of this, there aren’t many people who really give a damn. Even if you all don’t, which I am sure is a high likelihood. IT FEELS like you do, be it true or not, it still feels that way, and it warms my heart and keeps me going 🙂

 

 

 

Back to Keto – Changing the plans again! Week 16

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I just completed Week 9, Day  1 of the C25k.!  Only two more days of the app to go until I run 3 miles! =D I can’t believe I made it here. Looking back, I was huffing and puffing and cursing my lungs, and my excess fat. I just ran for 30 minutes without stopping!  I am proud of myself tonight.

Last post, I said I was jumping off of the keto-wagon, but as it turns out, my hives are still present even with more carbs in my diet. So, I have made the decision that I am going back to keto, but I am going to eat many more veggies, and cut down on the dairy. We’ll see how it goes. The fact is, I need to get back to keto, I need the familiarity of it. When I tried to eat noodles, I felt like I was teetering on the edge of a cliff, about to fall head first into a carb binge. Its easier to do than I thought, and thinking of gaining a bunch of weight back because of something stupid like that terrifies me!

In other great news, I might be starting school in August! Friday, the admissions department called me and told me I passed my exams with flying colors, and have enough points to secure an interview with the director of the program. I am so anxious. In order to ease my nerves about it all, I thought some retail therapy would do me some good. So, today, I went to Old Navy and bought a cute dress for the interview, I fit into a Medium size!!! Best believe I bought it, and I am going to ROCK that size medium dress 🙂 My next hurdle is the interview.

In the meantime, I am going to keep on keto’ing on, continue running and going to the gym.  my future is starting to take shape! I am feeling proud and hopeful. NEVER GIVING UP!!

 

– Shana

Welcome Change – Week 14, Day 6

ALLTHETHINGS change

This word carries with it a multitude of feelings, doesn’t it? Good, bad, sad, happy…  all-encompassing. Thinking back to my past nearly all changes that terrified me in the beginning turned out to be great opportunities to learn new things and grow as a person and this gives me some comfort.

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Four months ago, I embarked on a journey to change my diet, with the intent on changing my body into a more healthy version. In the process I have changed my attitude, self-esteem, lost weight , basically, I have changed my life for the better 🙂 and this gives me the motivation to keep reaching my goals. I am a little over halfway there when it comes to my weight, which is awesome. I have created a delicious arsenal of my favorite keto recipes, and have learned how to read/change my macros like a champ. It is safe to say I am one satisfied lady when it comes to the keto diet, which is why it REALLY bugs me that I have to change my diet…

When I started keto 4 months ago, I had developed hives, nothing too severe, I attributed it to hormones and stress at the time and they never really went away. I would always be itchy at some point during the day and I was never without one part of my skin being red, bumpy and itchy. Rewind to 3 weeks ago when I was in Wyoming, when I kicked myself out of keto… The hives disappeared.  (I knew deep down that keto was the cause, but I was in denial. Why? Well, it’s because keto was working so fantastically to help me lose weight, I really didn’t care that I was broken out in hives! The diet worked!) When I got home, I got back on the wagon, and started eating according to plan, and as soon as I was back into keto ( the very moment ) My body was on fire with hives. The worst I have seen to date. It was at that moment, I realized that I really need to change things.

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Here is what I will not do : Go back to eating the SAD (standard american diet) Diet again. My mood, my mental health, my body have all improved since I ditched that crazy mess.

Here is what I am thinking I will do to change things :  Introduce more fruits and veggies into my diet. Nothing overboard, I am not going to binge on apples and carrots, but I am not going to shun them anymore. Thinking of slowly boosting my carb numbers and find a happy place for my body because less than 30g a day was obviously not working for me.

This means, that I am no longer going to be eating keto, which means, I will have to change my blog name. This also means that everyone that started reading this blog because of keto, we will no longer share our diets together, and this makes me sad. I think its great how the diet brings people together that want to share experiences/food/thoughts together! I am really going to miss being able to share on the forums and reddit daily.

I need to come up with a new blog name now. And I don’t know what… I welcome any input 😛

I go into school Monday (had to postpone it). I have been studying up on math so that I can ace that exam. 🙂 This is going to be another HUGE change in my life. Ahh! I am nervous and excited and I am going to give it 100% of my heart and passion.

IN other non-change related news, I haven’t stepped on the scale this week, because I am scared of what the number will say.. I want the number to be lower than last time!!!! But I know deep down that it probably hasn’t moved or that its gone up a few pounds. And now that keto is going to be out of the picture, I worry that the scale will be wonky for a little while.

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I hope you are having a great weekend!

-Shana

Dusting off – Week 14, Day 2

 

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I am making a promise to myself that no matter how hard things get, that I will still keep up the fight to achieve my goals. I am also promising that when I fall down, I wont stay down. I will be getting back up and dusting myself off.

Last post I caught myself negative talking, and my life has NO ROOM for that kind of negativity anymore! I systematically cut negativity from my life, like surgery.


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The reasons why I was negative thinking yesterday is because I am fearful of whats unknown. I am going to use this opportunity to tackle my fear head on.  I will study up on math, I have a great memory (thanks keto) and I will be my bravest. In fact, from now on, when I see an opportunity to  be social, I am going to be. The time to change is now.

In other news, I went to the gym this afternoon! I am so happy! I thought that my butt would be handed to me, and that my stamina would have suffered from the month off and that wasn’t the case. I am learning what my body and mind need, and I need the gym for both of them.

I have a bit of keto knowledge for those that read and follow the diet …. Atkins bars need to be a very seldom treat, NOT once a day. At least for me, I have found that getting back into keto and eating them daily just wasnt really happening for me.  Must be the sugar alcohols? I don’t know.

I am dusting myself off, getting back in the saddle and getting my focus back. No more days off of the gym, and my diet is getting back into its comfortable place of staying on track. With my diet and exercise getting in sync with how they were it gives me some solace that I can tackle other things. Feeling less overwhelmed and more focused, getting my groove back!!  Feels good and its about time!

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Goodnight friends! I will be back tomorrow 🙂

“Sometimes adversity is what you need to face in order to become successful” -Zig Ziglar

xoxo – Shana

Feeling great! Week 11, Day 4

 

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I am feeling GREAT today.

Yesterday, I finished week 7 of my c25k app. 25 mins of running! 6 weeks ago, I would have called myself crazy and thought that I could never get to where I am now. But, I am here! It hasn’t been the easiest of roads, my main obstacle has been my mind. The nagging inner voice of ” Oh this is getting hard, you should quit” and having to push through it instead of saying ” I can’t do this”, and changing it to ” I can totally do this, look how far I’ve come”. It feels really good. I know that I am still in the middle of my journey, I know it’s not celebration time yet, but seeing all my progress really gets me amped up to keep going.

Today, I made it to the gym. I spent 45 mins on the elliptical and broke the biggest sweat I have had in a long time and kept pushing myself. It feels so satisfying and lifts my mood to cheery and smiley. I love this version of myself. Such an upgrade from the chubby, grumpy girl of nearly 3 months ago.

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I am a little concerned about the vacation I am going to be taking in a week.  I will be around my parents who are “feeders” for an entire week, and there will be lots of long car rides which means cheap nasty food will be around me all the time.  Which means temptations will be greater than usual.  After that, it’s a vacation to Wyoming, and staying there for a week. Lord knows I am going to have everything forbidden thrown in my face over there. Its time to make a list of things I need to buy at the grocery store when I get there.  I guess the reason why I am sharing this is because I need to validate and mentally prepare for it.  Two whole weeks of vacation!  How am I going to work out?! Will I be able to maintain Keto?! I think the 11 weeks of keto I have done are a good solid base for me to stand on. I have MFP and my self-discipline, that should keep me straight, right?!  I would like it if I came back from vacation having lost some weight rather than having gained weight. Let’s see if I can do it!

In the meantime, I will Keep Calm and Keto On, continue to kick ass at the gym, pool and pavement.

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Funny little side note : A friend admitted to me that she didn’t think I could keep up my diet and exercise for long, thought I would have quit weeks ago…. and I am still going! HA!