Bright and early this morning, I stood in front of my scale. Hesitating and wondering if I should wait until Friday before I weighed myself. I shrugged and said “fuck it”, stepped on the scale, AND……. *drum roll*
I have officially lost 20 pounds! 🙂
The smile that swept across my face and the tears of joy that met the corners of my smile made every moment, every temptation, doubt and fear worth it. I feel triumphant today, even though the road ahead of me is only halfway completed… I fucking made it halfway. It almost feels as if I am at a new starting point. New ground to stand on to work on making more progress.
Today was a beautiful day. I was happy for all of it. Tears of joy were always near the surface.
I went on the last day of week 4 on c25k. It was much easier that the earlier 2 days. However, during the last 5 minute cooldown, walking down the road to my house at the corner of a busy street, my elation was somewhat popped. A car with 2 young boys driving by yelled out their window about ” look at that ass shake!!!” and they erupted in laughter. Is it enough to make me give up running HELL NO, is it enough to make me give up and stop all the hard work? HELL NO. Is it motivation to keep moving forward and not give up? yeah.
did it hurt my happy feelings? yeah. a little. I know I shouldn’t let it. I know that I have no emotional investment in these strangers that yelled at me out the side of their car. I know that I should shrug it off and say ” fuck em ” and move on. I don’t understand why I am letting that deflate me even a little bit. Wish I knew.
What does it teach me? well, I have learned all those lessons early on in my 20s, to not be a fucking asshole. Maybe, their lessons have yet to be learned. I swear, sometimes I think the youth of today are being raised by a pack of wolves. No manners, no social graces, no common courtesy. I don’t mean that for everyone, but for the assholes I run into, that’s what I tend to think.
ANYWAYS, look at that, a sad little paragraph where I was proud, and 3 larger ones of complaints and grievances about something that was said in the span of 2 seconds. That’s stupid! I worked SEVEN WEEKS on losing this 20 pounds! What kind of idiot would I be to let a remark that took all of 2 seconds, take any of that pride and happiness of 7 weeks of work away??
Silly, silly me 🙂